So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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