I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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