I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
