Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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