??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
