Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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