she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
