She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
