4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
