haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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