the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
