We're like a lot better than the average bears
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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