I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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