Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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