I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
