I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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