First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
