im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
