I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
