Got a toothbrush?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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