Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i believe in u and ur pee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
