yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
