watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
