was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
