Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
