If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
