my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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