is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
