...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
