Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
