vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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