i think my tv is drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
