Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
