I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
