boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
