We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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