You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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