Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
