I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
