the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
