and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
