Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
