last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
