I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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