My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
