I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
