just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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