I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
