He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
