I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
