I think my vagina is haunted
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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