i need an iv and a liver transplant
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
