Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i now understand why vodka
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
